Last week brought a flurry of earnings from crypto-adjacent giants and the results were ...kinda wild.

Here’s the TL;DR:

Moral of the story? Don’t let headlines drive your positioning the numbers always tell a deeper story and the market seems to be over reacting to the Coinbase miss. When the market gives you a discount, take it. I’m adding to my CB positions around $300.

A private‑jet–fueled crypto duo is now behind bars, accused of turning a SoHo townhouse into a makeshift torture chamber in pursuit of a Bitcoin passcode. What started as a flamboyant spending spree—with tequila, chainsaws, sex‑party vibes, political posturing and a $75K‑a‑month Manhattan rental—spiraled into allegations of kidnapping, electric shocks, and more. The alleged victim, a 28‑year‑old Italian crypto trader, escaped after roughly 17 days and ran to a traffic cop in New York, bloody and barefoot. Woeltz, dubbed the “Crypto King of Kentucky,” was released on $1 million bail with an ankle monitor; Duplessie remains in custody with his Senate plans in shambles.
Dueling narratives paint a stark contrast: prosecutors say it was horrifying torture; the defense claims it was frat‑house antics with binge‑behaving socialite vibes.

This bizarre saga offers a dark new chapter in crypto lore where digital fortunes don’t just go missing—they’re extorted via medieval-style torture scenes. It shatters the myth that blockchain bros are just code monkeys or libertarian techies living in Lambos and Lamborghinis—some may wield power, paranoia, and sadism. For the market-minded, it underscores how poorly regulated wealth and anonymous crypto ventures can enable villainous behavior at the intersection of thrills and fraud.

Investors take note: when your network includes fringe socialites, political flags, and absurd real‑estate splurges, ask what’s really being funded. And traders: hardware custody isn’t enough—wallet codes and onboarding vetting need serious scrutiny. Expect law enforcement to track similar crypto coercion rings, especially those wrapped in grandiose narratives of "rescued from terrorists." This is likely the first high-profile crypto torture scandal, but it won’t be the last.

The crypto market is limping back from a weekend dip, with total market cap hovering around $3.7 trillion. Bitcoin posted a modest 0.7% bounce off a 7‑day low near $112,256, reclaiming roughly $114,550. Large caps are up, but still under clear weekly pressure thanks to mounting macro headwinds.

Markets are digesting a fresh wave of uncertainty. Trump’s new tariff threats, a flat Fed decision, and a weak US jobs report over the weekend rattled risk appetite. Regulatory ambiguity isn’t helping: the White House’s crypto policy playbook and the SEC’s “Project Crypto” send mixed signals and aren’t calming nerves.

Big caps are clawing back, but confidence is thin—reactionary moves, not conviction. XRP’s rally feels more opportunistic than structural, while ETH’s relative strength is encouraging but far from a full recovery. BTC and SOL remain anchored by broader risk-off sentiment and policy stagnation. Until clarity arrives—on regulation, inflation, or rate direction—the market’s stability will stay suspect.

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