
Good morning and welcome to the Hodl Report
Turns out “crypto horror story” isn’t just a genre—it’s the news cycle now. Two Americans faked a Bitcoin deal, got kidnapped, and ended up waterboarded over a laptop. Not a metaphor. Just your standard Tuesday in the wild west of digital assets. Today, we’re unpacking the bizarre (and brutal) tale of DuPlessie, Woeltz, and the $100M crypto that never was.
Plus We’ve got a breakdown on what the crypto unicorn earnings week tells us.
Editors Corner
Earnings Week Recap: Crypto’s Corporate Scoreboard
Last week brought a flurry of earnings from crypto-adjacent giants and the results were ...kinda wild.
Here’s the TL;DR:
Coinbase missed… sort of.
Wall Street was unimpressed, but Coinbase still printed $1.5B in revenue and $1.4B in net income. Hardly a failure. Love them or hate them, $COIN is quietly maturing into a monster.MicroStrategy went God mode.
They didn’t just beat earnings — they obliterated them.
EPS estimate: -$0.07
Actual: $32.60
That’s a 46,671% beat. Not a typo. $MSTR is less a software company, more a leveraged Bitcoin ETF in a suit.Robinhood surprised to the upside.
$HOOD beat revenue expectations ($989M vs. $920M), even as growth has cooled. Two quarters of revenue dips? Sure. But zoom out, and the chart looks healthier than people think.
Moral of the story? Don’t let headlines drive your positioning the numbers always tell a deeper story and the market seems to be over reacting to the Coinbase miss. When the market gives you a discount, take it. I’m adding to my CB positions around $300.
Today’s Report
From Blockchain to Blacksite: Inside the Crypto Kidnapping Torture Scandal

The Report
A private‑jet–fueled crypto duo is now behind bars, accused of turning a SoHo townhouse into a makeshift torture chamber in pursuit of a Bitcoin passcode. What started as a flamboyant spending spree—with tequila, chainsaws, sex‑party vibes, political posturing and a $75K‑a‑month Manhattan rental—spiraled into allegations of kidnapping, electric shocks, and more. The alleged victim, a 28‑year‑old Italian crypto trader, escaped after roughly 17 days and ran to a traffic cop in New York, bloody and barefoot. Woeltz, dubbed the “Crypto King of Kentucky,” was released on $1 million bail with an ankle monitor; Duplessie remains in custody with his Senate plans in shambles.
Dueling narratives paint a stark contrast: prosecutors say it was horrifying torture; the defense claims it was frat‑house antics with binge‑behaving socialite vibes.
Key Points
Woeltz (37) and Duplessie (33) allegedly lured a crypto partner to a luxury SoHo townhouse on May 6 with threats against his family, holding him for some 17 days.
Abuse reportedly included electric shocks, pistol‑whipping, a small chainsaw cut, being doused in tequila and set aflame, then extinguished—sometimes with urine.
Prosecutors assert they photographed the victim with a gun to his head to feign consent, manipulated texts, used body armor, crack cocaine, saws, chicken wire—all in pursuit of his wallet passcode.
The defense counters that tapes show the man attending church, nightclubs, shopping freely, laughing and partying—a consensual “bender” rather than a hostage situation.
Woeltz was released on house arrest and monitoring; Duplessie remains detained. Both have pleaded not guilty to kidnapping, assault, coercion and weapons charges.
At least one assistant (actress‑aspirant Beatrice Folchi) was arrested; detectives who supplied security to the townhouse are under scrutiny. Duplessie also faces civil suits and his Pangea Blockchain Fund is liquidating.
Prosecutors hint this incident may not be isolated: authorities believe there were two prior victims in similar crypto coercion attempts.
Relevance
This bizarre saga offers a dark new chapter in crypto lore where digital fortunes don’t just go missing—they’re extorted via medieval-style torture scenes. It shatters the myth that blockchain bros are just code monkeys or libertarian techies living in Lambos and Lamborghinis—some may wield power, paranoia, and sadism. For the market-minded, it underscores how poorly regulated wealth and anonymous crypto ventures can enable villainous behavior at the intersection of thrills and fraud.
Investors take note: when your network includes fringe socialites, political flags, and absurd real‑estate splurges, ask what’s really being funded. And traders: hardware custody isn’t enough—wallet codes and onboarding vetting need serious scrutiny. Expect law enforcement to track similar crypto coercion rings, especially those wrapped in grandiose narratives of "rescued from terrorists." This is likely the first high-profile crypto torture scandal, but it won’t be the last.
Today’s Top News
Headlines
Hong Kong stablecoin licenses delayed until early 2026 — HKMA said stablecoin legislation takes effect August 1 2025, but stablecoin issuer licenses will only be issued in early 2026, with capped initial licensees, tempering earlier expectations.
Ethereum soars 54 %, outpacing Bitcoin after GENIUS Act passage — Investors expect stablecoin issuers to expand on Ethereum (e.g. Tether, USDC), boosting ETH demand. Spot Ethereum ETFs from major institutions have surged 30–49 %, fueling the rally.
Major token unlock wave could inject $120M in August liquidity — Ethena (ENA) and Immutable (IMX) and others will unlock significant token volumes between August 2–9, releasing over $120 million into circulation, potentially increasing market volatility.
Crypto market bracing for high-stakes August as economic data and events converge — Multiple macroeconomic reports, network upgrades, and industry conferences are slated for August 2025, creating a potential turning point in crypto market
Market Trendline
Price Action
The crypto market is limping back from a weekend dip, with total market cap hovering around $3.7 trillion. Bitcoin posted a modest 0.7% bounce off a 7‑day low near $112,256, reclaiming roughly $114,550. Large caps are up, but still under clear weekly pressure thanks to mounting macro headwinds.
Notable Movers
Bitcoin (BTC): Up ~0.7% in the past 24 hours, but still down ~3% for the week amid soft economic data and policy jitters.
Ethereum (ETH): Rose ~2.6%—a stronger bounce, though volumes remain tepid.
XRP: The standout—up ~5% as speculators rotate into it on regulatory chatter.
Solana (SOL): Gained 1.1%, but down ~11% on the week, clearly feeling the broader tech selloff.
Macro View
Markets are digesting a fresh wave of uncertainty. Trump’s new tariff threats, a flat Fed decision, and a weak US jobs report over the weekend rattled risk appetite. Regulatory ambiguity isn’t helping: the White House’s crypto policy playbook and the SEC’s “Project Crypto” send mixed signals and aren’t calming nerves.
Bottom Line
Big caps are clawing back, but confidence is thin—reactionary moves, not conviction. XRP’s rally feels more opportunistic than structural, while ETH’s relative strength is encouraging but far from a full recovery. BTC and SOL remain anchored by broader risk-off sentiment and policy stagnation. Until clarity arrives—on regulation, inflation, or rate direction—the market’s stability will stay suspect.
Today’s Top Tweet
Crypto Twitter Never Sleeps
Example Bitcoin “Buy, Borrow, Die” Investment Plan that builds generation wealth while we live, give back to our communities and enjoy life🧡 This can be done with any amount. Never sell your Bitcoin!
•Starting Bitcoin value: $100,000
•Bitcoin growth (CAGR): 40% per year— #Kristen (#@2dogs1chic)
4:08 PM • Aug 2, 2025

Learn from this investor’s $100m mistake
In 2010, a Grammy-winning artist passed on investing $200K in an emerging real estate disruptor. That stake could be worth $100+ million today.
One year later, another real estate disruptor, Zillow, went public. This time, everyday investors had regrets, missing pre-IPO gains.
Now, a new real estate innovator, Pacaso – founded by a former Zillow exec – is disrupting a $1.3T market. And unlike the others, you can invest in Pacaso as a private company.
Pacaso’s co-ownership model has generated $1B+ in luxury home sales and service fees, earned $110M+ in gross profits to date, and received backing from the same VCs behind Uber, Venmo, and eBay. They even reserved the Nasdaq ticker PCSO.
Paid advertisement for Pacaso’s Regulation A offering. Read the offering circular at invest.pacaso.com. Reserving a ticker symbol is not a guarantee that the company will go public. Listing on the NASDAQ is subject to approvals.
How'd I do this week?
Are you a crypto trader?
I have two products designed to help traders. Check them out if you are looking for an edge or just to learn to become a more successful trader!
You made it to the bottom, congrats! I really appreciate you reading. If you enjoyed today’s content please share it with a friend and if you aren’t already subscribed please do!
DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.