Good morning and welcome to the Hodl Report
Woke up, checked CPI, and realized even my coffee inflated overnight—yet somehow the Pump.fun ICO is sucking all the oxygen out of the room. If retail’s rediscovering memecoins while prices creep higher and Bitcoin won’t stop hitting ATH, you know we’re in that pre-boil phase where rationality evaporates first. Buckle up
Today’s Report
12-Minute Money Machine: Pump.fun Hoovers $500M, Leaves Traders Breathless
🚨 Report
Pump.fun just proved that “memecoins are dead” is the most bullish call you can make in 2025. The Solana-powered launchpad sold 125 billion PUMP tokens in a blistering 12-minute sprint, hoovering up $500 million and slapping a $4 billion fully diluted valuation on itself before most traders finished their morning cold brew. The team even cut the public slice to 12.5% at the last minute—scarcity theater worthy of Broadway. Buyers won’t actually touch their tokens for up to 72 hours (they’re locked), which means the real price discovery carnival hasn’t even opened its gates. Meanwhile, pundits are already split between crowning PUMP the next cash-cow utility token and calling the whole spectacle “Pied Pipers leading Gen Z to ruin.” Buckle up.
🔓 Key Points
$0.004 per token, $500M raised, 12 minutes flat. Math: $4B FDV, because in crypto we round up to the nearest unicorn.
Token pie chart: 33% total ICO, but only 12.5% for retail today after a stealth haircut; 18% is already in the hands of private wallets.
72-hour lockup: no trading, no transfers—plenty of time to craft your exit tweet.
Pump.fun’s core biz lets anyone mint a coin in “three clicks and a prayer.” Launchpad activity may be sliding, but its PumpSwap DEX has quietly clocked double-digit-billion monthly volume.
VC boosterism hit overdrive (“one of the highest-grossing tokens ever”), while skeptics point to bots that churn out a dozen new coins an hour.
ICOs, thought extinct after the Gensler era, have officially climbed out of the regulatory tar pit—at least offshore.
🔐 Relevance
For traders, PUMP is the neon sign flashing above three converging narratives: Solana dominance, memecoin stickiness, and the revival of the public sale as a momentum engine. The 12-minute checkout frenzy signals deep retail liquidity still looking for casino chips—especially in ecosystems where gas fees aren’t confiscatory. Short-term, expect a volatility bonanza once the lock drops: early allocations can 5-10× and still be “cheap” relative to FDV, but the float is thin and emotions are thick. Medium-term, keep an eye on how Pump.fun channels its newfound $500 million war chest. If the team plows it into liquidity incentives and more one-click token tooling, Solana’s memecoin throughput could spike again—ironic, given that launchpad volumes have been sliding all year. Longer-term, regulators will eventually wake up to the phrase “$500 million in 12 minutes,” and when they do, history says winter follows hypothermia. Until then, traders ride the pump; strategists plot exits; and cynics, well, they just got 4 billion more reasons to stay salty.
Today’s Top News
Headlines
Trump Cuts Deal to Push GENIUS, CLARITY and Anti-CBDC Bills — After a House revolt, President Donald Trump says 11 of 12 GOP holdouts now back the trio of crypto bills, setting up a decisive vote on Wednesday. The revived “Crypto Week” could deliver the first comprehensive U.S. rules before August recess. A win would hard-wire stablecoin oversight and market-structure clarity, potentially unlocking fresh institutional inflows.
Adam Back to Seed Cantor Equity SPAC With $3.5 B Bitcoin — An FT leak of a 30,000-BTC transfer rocketed Cantor Equity Partners I 25% higher. Back will get equity in the renamed BSTR Holdings and the vehicle aims to raise another $800 M for more coins. The pact signals Wall Street’s appetite for treasury-style BTC exposure straight from a cypherpunk legend.
BigONE Exchange Loses $27 M in Hot-Wallet Breach — A third-party attack drained BTC, ETH, SHIB and more, forcing a pause in deposits and withdrawals. SlowMist is chasing the funds while BigONE taps its reserves to reimburse users fully. The incident revives calls for stricter security audits and transparent proof-of-reserves.
SEC Accepts Truth Social Dual Bitcoin–Ether ETF Filing — Formal acknowledgment starts the 240-day clock to approve or reject the Trump Media–backed spot ETF holding 75% BTC and 25% ETH. Crypto.com will custody assets, and the move comes as regulators debate streamlined listing rules. Observers see the bid as both market catalyst and political test.
Bank of America Says Stablecoin Work “Already Underway” — CEO Brian Moynihan told investors the bank has laid groundwork for its own dollar-backed token, joining JPMorgan and Citi in the race. Launch timing hinges on client demand and the pending GENIUS Act. Big-bank entry could reshape the stablecoin landscape and squeeze private issuers.
Market Trendline
Price Action
Markets just can’t decide if they’re on vacation or off to the races. After Tuesday’s scare in Washington, crypto woke up caffeinated—shorts are once again questioning life choices.
Market Overview
Bitcoin is idling near $118 K, up ~1.5 % after hotter-than-expected CPI rekindled “September rate-cut” chatter. Total crypto-cap added 1.8 % in 24 hours while U.S. equities chopped sideways—risk is clearly picking its own playground today.
Notable Movers
Ethereum (+6 %): Open interest ripped to a record $46 B as price tagged $3.2 K, its first print above 3 K since February. ETF inflows are finally big enough to make TradFi’s spreadsheets blink.
SUI (+36 %) & SEI (+41 %): Layer-1 rotation is back; capital is sliding down the risk curve toward chains that at least pretend to have users. Alt-season indicators are flashing for the second straight week.
BONK (flat): Last week’s Solana-ETF hopium wore off; memecoin tourists are now chasing the shiny new AI-token basket.
Macro View
A soft CPI read plus a trio of crypto bills inching through Congress gives bulls a two-for-one narrative boost: macro tailwind and regulatory clarity. Add steady ETF inflows and the path of least resistance is still up—until it isn’t.
Bottom Line
Momentum has started to rotate from Bitcoin to ETH, but BTC dominance doesn’t surrender without a tantrum. Enjoy the green candles, keep stops tight, and remember: when everyone yells “alt-season,” that’s usually Bitcoin’s cue to remind them who signs the checks.
Today’s Top Tweet
Crypto Twitter Never Sleeps
The founder of Bitcoin is now the 12th richest person in the world.
— #The Kobeissi Letter (#@KobeissiLetter)
4:35 AM • Jul 13, 2025
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